Out-of-Body, Bizarro
Friendly Massage
I’ve been doing a daily meditation in the morning, from 6:30am-8:00am.
I do kneeling meditation for a half hour, then move to the couch, and lie down for the remaining hour. This is my Meditate Then Sleep technique, which has worked really well for me.
For the past week or so, I’ve gotten really fun visuals, and a very relaxed state while on the couch.
What happens is that I start to have fun for a couple days, then I start expecting to have fun. That’s when it stops, and I usually get nothing. This is an annoying cycle for me.
Today was the start of my expectations rearing their heads.
My meditation was okay, and I moved to the couch. I tried to relax more, but was scanning aggressively for the visuals, for the pleasant feelings, etc. They weren’t showing up, of course. I try to stop myself from doing this, but that doesn’t work either.
Finally I gave up, rolled on my side, and just tried to fall asleep – no fancy techniques.
Suddenly I found myself in a mild panic… I snapped into this awareness that I will eventually die, and it really will happen, and I was freaking out a little bit. I’ve felt this sort of panic before during meditation around my own death.
I think death is very abstract for me most of the time, but sometimes, I start to fixate on the truth of it, that I will experience it, no matter what. And this can cause a panic response inside of me.
I was surprised by this… it’s not like I was meditating on death, or working myself up into a frenzy – one moment I’m laying down, falling asleep, the next moment I’m aware, and in a mild panic, absorbed into thoughts of my own death. It’s strange.
Once I became aware of what was happening, I relaxed myself. I soothed myself. I focused on acceptance, as best I could.
Then, I was out of body, with mostly black vision.
I felt an energetic massage, as though two golf-ball-sized spheres were rotating and going over my body and head. I was floating through space, enjoying the experience, and relaxing.
I asked if whoever was doing this could place the golf balls in my hand, so I could feel them. They did this, with some hesitation.
I asked why they were helping me. I didn’t receive a response. I told them I couldn’t hear their response. Suddenly, I heard a man’s voice: “Can you hear me now?”
I said yes, and had a short conversation with him and a woman who was there too. She answered a couple questions, but I got the impression that some things she was not allowed to tell me.
The conversation ended abruptly and I was floating in space.
I got my vision online, and had a series of bizarre experiences. For example, one included pushing a dumpster down a road, and then playing with a black dog. Another included being told my wife bought a pool and was filling it in the backyard.
Eventually I got up when it seemed to be descending further into dreaming.